Last week, Donna Freitas had a column in the Wall Street Journal about a dating survey she conducted of over 2,500 college students. The students who answered the survey were overwhelmingly assimilated into the “hook up” culture that exists on so many college campuses. She writes:
‘I found that among those who reported “hooking up” — a range of sexually intimate acts, from kissing to intercourse, that occur outside a committed relationship — at Catholic and nonreligious private and public colleges and universities, 41% are profoundly upset about their behavior. The 22% of respondents who chose to describe a hook-up experience (the question was optional) used words like “dirty,” “used,” “regretful,” “empty,” “miserable,” “disgusted,” “ashamed,” “duped” and “abused” in their answers. An additional 23% expressed ambivalence about hooking up, and the remaining 36% were more or less “fine” with it. And 45% of students at Catholic and 36% at nonreligious private and public schools say that their peers are too casual about sex. Not a single person at these schools said that their peers valued saving sex for marriage, and only 7% said that they felt that their friends wanted to reserve sex for committed, loving relationships.’
So even though the students who were surveyed practiced a promiscuous sexual ethic, many of them regretted it. Freitas also describes teaching a course at Boston University in which she had the students study a book on modesty and some evangelical “dating” books. The results were surprising:
‘When last semester I taught Wendy Shalit’s “A Return to Modesty,” in a class at Boston University called “Spirituality & Sexuality in American Youth Culture,” I assumed that my mostly left-leaning students would reject her arguments about the terrible effects that the hook-up culture has on young women and the positive effects of traditional religion and morality on young women’s well-being. Instead, my students ate up her critique and were fascinated by her descriptions of modesty as a virtue, especially within the context of faith. One student said that she felt empowered to stop tolerating vulgar remarks about sex made by peers in her presence.
‘The class was equally attracted to some evangelical dating manuals, like “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris and “Real Sex” by Lauren Winner, that I asked them to read. They seemed shocked that somewhere in America there are entire communities of people their age who really do “save themselves” until marriage, who engage in old-fashioned dating with flowers and dinner and maybe a kiss goodnight. They reacted as if these authors describe a wonderful fantasy land. “It would be easier just to have sex with someone than ask them out on a real date,” one student said, half-seriously.’
Freitas concludes with an exhortation to parents who are contemplating which school to send their children to. She argues that the culture of a campus in large part determines dating mores and that parents should be aware of what they are sending their children into. Parents should be looking for a school with a community that fosters a more chaste sexual ethic. This is a fascinating article, and you can read it here:
(HT: Justin Taylor)