A couple weeks ago, I posted a brief note about Rod Dreher’s excellent book The Little Way of Ruthie Leming. If you’ve read that book, then you know that Dreher’s story doesn’t really end with the last page. His rocky relationship with his father and the revelation of Ruthie’s true feelings about him are too new to have been completely processed and dealt with. Moving home didn’t make all the old issues evaporate.
This happened a lot. And without me quite realizing what was going on, God re-ordered my heart. It was confession, it was prayer, it was the liturgy, it was vespers, it was talking with my therapist, and it was, of course, reading Dante. One day I’ll write more about exactly how this came about; it’s why I am so on fire to talk to you readers about how Dante can save your life. Anyway, the point is, one day I woke up and knew that God the Father loved me. After that, everything fell into place. I could see clearly. The fear, the anxiety, the despair — all gone. And so was the chronic fatigue.
All this happened recently. I told my wife last night that for the first time since arriving home, I feel at home. Settled. Stable, in the Benedictine sense. Healed. Free. Nothing has changed externally; the change was all within. But I see the world with new eyes now. Yes, the virus is still in my body, and always will be, and if I am flooded with anxiety or despair again, it will take me back down. But I am hopeful that I walk on higher ground now.
This testimony will probably make little sense if you haven’t read the book. I am not even sure what it all means, but it sure looks good to me. You can read the rest of his testimony here.
“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8:38-39