Andy Stanley posted on X about what the New Testament requires of husbands and wives. He writes:
New Testament Marriage is a submission competition. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Eph 5:21) “Walk in the way of love, JUST AS Christ loved us and gave himself up for us…” (Eph. 5:2)
The only problem with this argument is that neither this text nor any other in the New Testament tells husbands to submit to their wives. Thus, egalitarians are mistaken to interpret “one another” to require mutual submission. The Greek term for “one another” does not always denote strict reciprocity. Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn’t. The context is the key.
For example, Revelation 6:4 says, “And out came another horse, bright red. Its rider was permitted to take peace from the earth, so that people should slay one another, and he was given a great sword” (emphasis mine). Clearly, “one another” does not indicate strict reciprocity, as if every single person killed every single other person in the battle. That interpretation would be absurd. Obviously, “one another” indicates that one group of people did the killing, and a different group of people did the dying (cf. 1 Cor. 7:5; 11:33; Matt. 24:10; Lk. 12:1; Acts 19:38).
Likewise, the context of Eph. 5:21 dictates that “one another” cannot denote strict reciprocity because the very next verse specifies that it is wives who are to be subject to their own husbands. Verse 24 says that “wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” In this text and in every other Pauline text, submission in marriage always goes in one direction; wives must submit to husbands but not vice versa (cf. 1 Cor. 14:34; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:5).
Also, the word for “submit” does not mean what the mutual submission interpreters say it means. It is a military term for ranked authority. It denotes literal authority and submission. It cannot be diluted into “service” or “putting someone else’s needs before your own.” Those kinds of renderings are outside the semantic range for the term “submit.” In other words, the term requires an authority and a submitter, which is by definition non-reciprocal.
So the “one another” in Eph. 5:21 is not strict reciprocity as if everyone is supposed to submit to everyone in the church. Paul specifies that it is wives in particular who must submit to their own husbands. Thus, “submitting to one another” in Eph. 5:21 means submitting to proper authorities, not “mutual submission.”
Here are some more examples of non-reciprocal uses of “one another.” In each case, it’s clear that one group is acting upon second group, but the second group isn’t responding with symmetrical action.
- 1 Corinthians 7:5: Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
- 1 Corinthians 11:33: So then, my brothers, when you come together to eat, wait for one another—
- Matthew 24:10: And then many will fall away and betray one another and hate one another.
- Luke 12:1: In the meantime, when so many thousands of the people had gathered together that they were trampling one another, he began to say to his disciples first, “Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy.”
- Acts 19:38: If therefore Demetrius and the craftsmen with him have a complaint against anyone, the courts are open, and there are proconsuls. Let them bring charges against one another.
