Haunted by an Abortion

All of us are sinners, and we all are prone to cover our works in darkness so that our deeds will not be exposed (John 3:19-20). But we can’t hide our own faults from ourselves, so we have a tendency to rebrand our faults so that they are not faults after all. In other words, our hearts tend to suppress what they know to be true so as to salve our guilty consciences (Romans 1:18). But sometimes, there’s no getting away from the guilt. Even after we do our best to deny the evil of evil, it nevertheless haunts us at a visceral level.

This is common to the human condition, but I have seen it time and again play out in the regrets that women express after having an abortion. Sometimes, the sorrow leads to repentance and hope. At other times, the sorrow leads to a conscience-denying despair that casts a shadow over all of life.

Testimonials such as the one you are about to read are not uncommon—not even from pro-choice women. This one appeared as a letter to an advice columnist at Salon.com. The good news for her is that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners (1 Timothy 1:15), and that includes women who have had abortions. The Lord’s arm is not too short to save (Isaiah 59:1), and my hope and prayer is that this woman will see and believe this news very soon.

Read this. Weep. Pray.


Dear Cary,

I have always admired your candor and advice, now I am in dire need of some. I apologize if this is lacking in eloquence, but it is honest.

In December of 2010 I had an abortion. It has haunted me ever since.

It was a very early, first-trimester abortion, but nevertheless, I was pregnant and I chose not to continue the pregnancy even though deep down I desperately wanted a child.

I made this choice based on my relationship with the baby’s father, who dropped me off at the clinic and I never saw again, despite having a three-to-four-year, on-and-off relationship. He promised me marriage and more children when we were ready for it, i.e. five or 10 years from now.

His last words to me were, “Don’t worry, I’ll be back.” But that never materialized.

I am only 25 (24 at the time of the abortion), but I am now convinced I missed my only chance to have a biological child. Is that crazy? I haven’t dated, least of all had sex with anyone, since that day. It feels like a part of me died that day and will never return.

I am no longer upset about the end of our relationship (good riddance!) but I am truly disturbed by the entire experience. I have nightmares about my experience at the clinic, though I know they followed every medical and legal step to the T. I wish I could forgive myself and move on, but I just can’t. I wake up every morning and it is the best minute of my life before the knowledge of what happened returns to me and the cycle of sadness and regret begins all over again.

I am a liberal woman and as pro-choice as you can be! Which is even more upsetting!

Can you please offer me advice on moving forward with my life and freeing myself from this unending cycle of regret?

Yours Truly,

Crushed With Regret

(HT: Lauren at Speak for the Unborn)

9 Responses to Haunted by an Abortion

  1. Donald Johnson July 22, 2011 at 1:35 pm #

    Of couse the real answer to her plea at the end is Jesus!

  2. Paul July 22, 2011 at 1:44 pm #

    This is tragic on so many levels. It shows the true and evil heart of far too many of our men. It shows how much and how soon we really do bond with our flesh and blood. It shows how difficult forgiveness (especially of one’s self) really is. I feel for this poor girl. The results of one really bad decision are impacting her at many, many, many levels.

  3. Ryan K July 22, 2011 at 2:14 pm #

    My heart breaks for women like this who have been fed lies by the culture, and men, and then end up in places of despair.

  4. yankeegospelgirl July 22, 2011 at 3:00 pm #

    Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!

    The only answer.

  5. yankeegospelgirl July 22, 2011 at 3:05 pm #

    And Ryan, I found that part astonishing too.

  6. Ryan K July 22, 2011 at 6:58 pm #

    Just did Yankeegospelgirl…thanks for the heads up.

  7. Kelley Kimble July 23, 2011 at 12:27 am #

    Someone recently introduced me to a song titled “Lucy” by Skillet. Being of middle age, I had never listened to Skillet before but that song portrays this exact situation, only from the point of view of the young man. Apparently this young man had told his story to the writer of the song; the young couple had been advised to make a “grave”, to give the child a name, to grieve. I can’t get it out of my head now. Of course, the reason that I was introduced to the song is, I have been here.

  8. Derron July 26, 2011 at 10:02 am #

    This brings me great sadness, yet this is what’s propposed by so-called “women’s advocates”.


  1. Combing the Net – 7/27/2011 « Honey and Locusts - July 27, 2011

    […] Haunted By An Abortion — A heart-breaking letter to an advice columnist from a “liberal, pro-choice woman” who deeply regrets the abortion she had last December. […]

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